Posted in Uncategorized

This blog, in its various incarnations and designs, is a bit over five years old with a hundred-and-odd posts. When I started writing, I'm not really sure what I envisioned for it, I think I merely found the idea of being someone with a blog cool and decided to go with it, consequently probably not being prepared for the effort of actually keeping up with the writing especially as my interest in the main topic of the blog at the time—World of Warcraft—waned.

Still, years later, I somehow thought of this whole project again and kept writing sporadically, primarily still focused on the realm of the one game and the blogs of yore that had inspired me in the first place. I dabbled in things like writing thoughts and guides of a sort on the bosses we killed—probably a terrible idea, it didn't bring me much joy and I consequently didn't do a great job of the whole thing—along with I guess the occasional mini-"review" of some of the other games I had ended up playing, with it all culminating really in the last half year or so where I have been trying to produce something for the blog every week.

At this point in time, I've come to the realisation that I should stop trying to, well, produce something and just create and write what really strikes my fancy, since this has really just evolved into an outlet for me to do some writing without too much meaning or consequence which does increase my enjoyment of the whole thing by quite a bit. I think, to a certain degree, were someone to ever stumble upon this thing and actually start reading, that enjoyment of the process would also show through in the actual end content and thus hopefully be a more enjoyable read as well.

All of this growth and discovery does make it somewhat difficult for me personally to go back and look at some of the older things I have written, since there is a certain tinge of regret not only in the things I thought I should be focusing on but also—especially given, as said, the last year of so of somewhat high activity—how little I have written at times. To be sure, this is a leasure activity for me and to a certain degree making it even so regimented as I have now done with any schedule at all does at times mean that one's heart isn't into the creating a hundred percent, yet at the same time it does make it more of a priority to find time to do something I enjoy as well as allowing me to become that much better since I force myself to actually practice instead of putting things off indefinitely.

From looking back to looking forward, what then are my plans for the future for this small space on the internet that I call my own? As of yet, I am not sure. I think, as far as content goes, it will be as was outlined above, whatever I feel like I want to write about that I also feel comfortable sharing with the public. As for the site itself, I have considered changing the design—yet again—and potentially even the name, to free myself from the shackles of the past as it were. While the current design is something I do quite enjoy, it also makes a very clear statement as to the content of the site which might not be quite honest anymore. The name, similarily, is also a reference to World of Warcraft and my main there with the added bit of rambling because I wanted to give myself some freedom as to what I wrote about within the context of the game even if I don't think I'm overly prone to actually rambling at least in so far as the length of my posts go. That was, admittedly, a really rambly sentence though.

What these changes would look like, however, I have no idea as of yet. A small retrospective simply felt right with this being the last post of the year—at least for those of us on the Gregorian calendar. With that, let us hope the coming year provides us all with more opportunities to happiness than the past one.

So I like writing, should be somewhat obvious on account of me having decided to start a blog that you seem to be reading in the first place. Or at least, I like to see myself as someone who does like write, or I like the idea of being someone who writes—not a writer necessarily, since it feels like that comes with a different set of connotations that I’m not sure fit either me or my ideal.

However, what might also be obvious to an astute reader is that I’m not necessarily so dedicated to this craft since there is a tendency for my writing to be rather sporadic, coming and going as I have both an idea and inspiration to write about it. Once I sit myself down and start, I can generally get something satisfying but down—for me at least if not for the reader.

The process is enjoyable in these moments of inspiration but for whom do I then write, myself or you dear reader? Or merely for the act itself? Looking back at some of the things I have written before—like my writings about bosses we have killed or the like—I feel a certain uncertainty in those pieces, made for the act of making itself rather than with any more lofty goal, writing a guide that isn’t quite a guide yet not quite a recollection of the events nor a thorough analysis of the fight. These pieces seem to fall into that third category, made for the act of making itself.

They were also always the writing I felt least satisified by, trying to appease some nonexistent audience yet at the end serving no real purpose but to make something. But that act of making is in itself also valuable and while it may not serve the reader it does serve to satisfy the writer and her whims, and taking care of those is important as well. So in the end, those pieces were made to satisfy me yet they did not truly feel satisfying to me.

The other type of writing I have sometimes engaged in is simply trying to put my feelings on (virtual) paper in order to work through them, yet choosing to share them so that they may potentially serve as guidance to others or as memories to myself. It can be quite interesting to go back and read some of those pieces and look at the state of mind I was in at the time, especially now with the advantage of hindsight. I tend to gain a certain amount of resolve from those moments, since especially when looking back at times when things have felt hopeless in the moment those times have passed and have given time for better things. The best example of this, I think, are the posts during my transition from Alliance to Horde; those were somewhat difficult times where I was neither quite satisfied with the game nor my place at the time, yet both of those things ended up turning for the better and I made some cool new friends through the experience.

This process of writing things down can be quite freeing, giving another perspective on a matter and helping to process the feelings associated with it. I can remember this happening many times, having written about something and having it feel like a weight being lifted from my shoulders. Thinking about it, I think I need to start doing this around more things in my life though this place probably isn’t the right platform for that, having a somewhat constrained focus at least in my mind but who but I is to decide about what I write here? Maybe that is what I need the most in this time, to realize that my audience is me and not to write in order to appease others but to write to satisfy myself and get the things said that I want to say, not worrying too much about who they are for but me.