So sometime at the end of last year, I ended up renaming my main character. Now, it’s probably not something big for most people, but having played mostly this character with (almost) the same name for the last 15 years or so, there was quite a bit of emotion and memory attached to that name for me. This, of course, begs the question, why did I end up renaming if there was so much attached to the name? Well, quite frankly, that attachment was partially beginning to feel more like baggage and a hindrance than something positive, and the new name is something quite a bit more light and fun which also helped quite a bit.

It’s strange sometimes, how much emotion can be associated with something like a name, and how stepping back from all of that can help one gain some perspective both on the path one has been on and where one is going. It’s not even that the emotions are necessarily negative, on the contrary, that name and the character and the game have definitely helped me get through some hard times, and for that I am grateful. However, it does also mean that those old feelings and patterns of behaviour are attached to that name, and that can be rather constraining at times when one wants to evolve and grow and better oneself. That does mean that renaming has been oddly freeing, which I think was not the thing I was expecting from that.

The most interesting part of it all however, has probably been the reactions from other people with regards to the new name. It seemed to be a rather common sentiment in the beginning to ask if I had lost a bet or the like, since the name seems to have been so far away from what they knew from me, and the other seems to be joy or pleasure in regards to the new name since it is rather fun. Amusingly, it has also given a few opportunities to have some fun in Details with the custom names there, since it’s close enough when spoken out loud to one of the abilities in the game that I can put variations of the calls made during the fight as my name there, which has been an unexpected but very welcome bonus.

It might not be that in the grand scheme of things renaming one’s character in a game is all the meaningful of an act, but there is quite a bit of symbolic significance to it all for me, letting go of the past in a sense. There’s a lot of that I need to be doing, and I think this was one small step in the right direction, but it’s a long journey. Still, even the longest journey happens one step at a time.

I recently wanted to do a bit of experimenting with an old tablet I have, a Galaxy Tab 10.1 (yes, one of the original ones), and happened to notice that installing Linux—more specifically PostmarketOS—was possible and in fact somewhat simple.

Now, it is still very much an unfinished product, and it did take a couple of tries before I got something that actually worked, and I’m not quite sure what I’m going to use the tablet for now, but it was quite a fun time experimenting around with it. To be fair, I wasn’t using the tablet before anyway, it is kind of stuck on Android 4, anything newer runs rather terribly, and even the old Android just works rather slow on it.

I have been considering making it into some sort of dashboard or info display, and that should now be rather easily achievable with simply some sort of browser running in kiosk-mode, after I create the website with the info I want displayed of course. There comes the next problem however, since I’m not quite sure what I would want displayed, I simply want to make the thing. Something like weather and possibly messages seems like the obvious thing, but does that actually even make any sense? Do I need that? Weather I guess could be rather nice for my parents, since my father at least does have a tendency to check it rather often, so maybe there is some use-case for the thing.

Of course, me just wanting to make it is enough of a reason to do so, but it is always a bit unfortunate to have projects that then end up just lying around somewhere unused.

The installation I ended up with after some experimenting of what actually works and what doesn’t, is basically Alpine Linux with XFCE, and it is all surprisingly useable, even though me not having a keyboard connected does make it all a bit more difficult, especially as the standard installation didn’t include an on-screen keyboard. Luckily that was rather easily solved, and now it’s actually possible to do things with the device again. It, oddly enough, actually also feels a good bit more responsive now than it did before with Android, even if the user interface is a lot more clunky to drive since it really is built for a mouse and the touchscreen just controls the mouse which isn’t the best experience at all times.

Another problem I’ve encountered is that Firefox doesn’t seem to launch, I’m not quite sure why yet and I’ll have to look into that, but luckily for now Midori is a decent enough alternative especially since I’m probably not going to be using the device for all that much for now. Hm, that does get me thinking though, with simply a keyboard it would actually make for a decent Linux portable for me, and a Bluetooth keyboard shouldn’t be that expensive to get, maybe I’ll have to research that next… Though maybe it would need to be a keyboard+mouse combo, it will get tiring at some point to poke at the screen especially since the interface isn’t designed for it as noted.

So I guess I have a couple of ideas there of what to do with the device now, I’ll update in the future if any one of them ends up actually panning out.

I have always had something of a fascination with “old-school” methods of communication, from relatively recent things like e-mail to the original long-distance communication method: letters. I’m not really sure where this fascination comes from, since I am on the other hand also someone who likes modernity and technology a great deal, but maybe it is exactly the eccentricity or the effort involved that makes it have more of a personal feel that draws me to them.

Now, this does not mean that I have spent a great deal of time in the past writing letters or sending postcards, I think I sent a letter in elementary school once and since then nothing else really, but having my mother read some old letters that her mother and other older relatives had sent in their youth along with a general desire to explore this communication method made me start sending letters. I haven’t as of yet sent many, well two to be exact and only one has arrived so far, but the reception so far has been very positive, they noted it was very sweet and personal to receive something like that. I think it was a combination of choosing to send a handwritten letter instead of printed that contributed to that feeling, along with it being such a rare occurance in today’s society that it simply stands out.

One of the reasons that I have sent so few letters as of yet and and a problem I am discovering is, that for many people who would be the most suitable for this kind of communication on account of me not actually talking or chatting with them that much otherwise at the moment, I actually don’t have the address for. These are people whom I know rather well and have a decent amount to do with in the past and might even know where they live, just simply not what to write on an envelope so that it reaches them. I could, of course, simply ask them, but that would kind of spoil the surprise.

So, at the moment, it does at times feel a bit silly writing letters to someone I already at the very least chat with pretty much daily, though it does provide the opportunity to communicate in a different way about different things when writing something a bit more long form, and it is quite simply nice to have someone to write letters to since I do enjoy it, and perhaps it only being one person does make it a bit more special for the two of us.

Even then, I think this is something I want to expand upon in the future, probably start writing my parents in the summer since we don’t see each other quite as often then, and possibly other people once I find a fitting excuse or way to get their address without raising too much suspicion.

I seem to have, once again, come to something of a slump when it comes to my writing, or rather my motivation to do it. I’m not even sure that it’s a case of motivation, though it does definitely play a part in it all since I’m having difficulty actually sitting down and starting to produce something, anything, but also a matter of not being quite certain what I want to write about and what I should write about the matter I don’t know I want to write about.

Now, I have been smart enough in the past to save some ideas in my drafts that I can simply take and start writing about which is exactly what I ended up doing last week. But the problem with that arrangement is that when I simply force myself to do it out of a feeling of obligation the fun does disappear to a degree and, for me at least, what I produce takes a hit since I can’t truly motivate myself to actually think about what I’m writing. So having access to a sampling of ideas of what to write about is great, but I do then also have to feel like actually writing about one of those things in order for the whole ordeal to actually go anywhere moderately sensible.

I did also mention a feeling of obligation, which is somewhat silly, since the obligation is to myself alone since it was my decision to try and keep up this pace of one article a week and last week for some reason just ended up being particularily bad where I at no point really had the motivation to truly write anything. It wasn’t the first time I’ve written the post the night before, but it was the first time I can remember where I truly had no idea what I wanted to say and just put out something, anything, in order to fulfill this constraint I set upon myself.

The question then naturally follows, what am I doing about this? Can I even do anything? Unfortunately it is one I cannot answer, however luckily it seems that it was for now at least a one time thing, a natural consequence of the varying levels of motivation that I tend to have. I suppose, also, I am in fact working on answering that question, since I am going to therapy, but I suppose also, that finding the answer to something like that is going to take a rather long time indeed.

In the meantime, I’ll just have to try to overcome these phases as they occur however I can, and in the cases such as last week where I finally did accomplish actually producing something not being overly harsh on myself for not being perfect every time—especially since a big part of this whole process of doing it regularily is actually trying to improve and become better and when doing that one is going to have difficulties and less than perfect output, but that is merely a part of learning to be better at something, and even the best of us fail at times.

Something of a early-expansion phenomenon seems to be that holy (meaning priests, paladins are usually rather useful) are actually rather decent at times and sometimes even preferred over discipline, meaning I actually get the opportunity to use the spec at times again which has been somewhat fun.

The spec itself, actually does play rather decently again since Shadowlands prepatch, far away from the boring slog it was in Battle for Azeroth but still a lot slower than Legion unfortunately. Salvation is still something of an annoying spell to have, since while it is very powerful actually getting to use it at reasonable intervals means a somewhat decandent playstyle which isn’t all that fun to execute on. Luckily, no fight so far has called for that so it’s mostly just been used as a once-or-twice per fight kind of thing, where it slots in perfectly—probably even more the design-intent behind the spell.

Beyond Salvation though, holy’s niche is in this strange place where its strength really lies in making the other healers shine, which while it does luckily work excellently in fights like Sun King’s Salvation, doesn’t really make a lot of sense in most other encounters especially when the alternative is to just bring a discipline priest since it’s the same class. Oh, also, bigger raids do favor holy over discipline to a certain degree, since discipline is rather limited in the amount of targets it can heal and that is another area where I have found use for the spec, specifically in our boostraids since we tend to go over the 20 player mark.

What I’m really enjoying about the situation though, is the versatility in gameplay it brings having the opportunity to actually play both specs on a regular basis and have it make sense, since no matter how fun either spec is getting to switch it up with both of them actually being enjoyable is much better. I’m also curious to see what some of the later bosses bring to the table in this regard, I’ve heard some rumblings that there is something later on that can be cheesed a bit with the Redemption-legendary that became available this week, and I’m looking forward to seeing what exactly that ends up entailing. Getting there might take a bit though, we’re slowly starting to get to the difficult bosses in the raid so progress is slowing down somewhat, hopefully we’re not too many weeks away from me getting to actually test it all out.