So I like writing, should be somewhat obvious on account of me having decided to start a blog that you seem to be reading in the first place. Or at least, I like to see myself as someone who does like write, or I like the idea of being someone who writes—not a writer necessarily, since it feels like that comes with a different set of connotations that I’m not sure fit either me or my ideal.
However, what might also be obvious to an astute reader is that I’m not necessarily so dedicated to this craft since there is a tendency for my writing to be rather sporadic, coming and going as I have both an idea and inspiration to write about it. Once I sit myself down and start, I can generally get something satisfying but down—for me at least if not for the reader.
The process is enjoyable in these moments of inspiration but for whom do I then write, myself or you dear reader? Or merely for the act itself? Looking back at some of the things I have written before—like my writings about bosses we have killed or the like—I feel a certain uncertainty in those pieces, made for the act of making itself rather than with any more lofty goal, writing a guide that isn’t quite a guide yet not quite a recollection of the events nor a thorough analysis of the fight. These pieces seem to fall into that third category, made for the act of making itself.
They were also always the writing I felt least satisified by, trying to appease some nonexistent audience yet at the end serving no real purpose but to make something. But that act of making is in itself also valuable and while it may not serve the reader it does serve to satisfy the writer and her whims, and taking care of those is important as well. So in the end, those pieces were made to satisfy me yet they did not truly feel satisfying to me.
The other type of writing I have sometimes engaged in is simply trying to put my feelings on (virtual) paper in order to work through them, yet choosing to share them so that they may potentially serve as guidance to others or as memories to myself. It can be quite interesting to go back and read some of those pieces and look at the state of mind I was in at the time, especially now with the advantage of hindsight. I tend to gain a certain amount of resolve from those moments, since especially when looking back at times when things have felt hopeless in the moment those times have passed and have given time for better things. The best example of this, I think, are the posts during my transition from Alliance to Horde; those were somewhat difficult times where I was neither quite satisfied with the game nor my place at the time, yet both of those things ended up turning for the better and I made some cool new friends through the experience.
This process of writing things down can be quite freeing, giving another perspective on a matter and helping to process the feelings associated with it. I can remember this happening many times, having written about something and having it feel like a weight being lifted from my shoulders. Thinking about it, I think I need to start doing this around more things in my life though this place probably isn’t the right platform for that, having a somewhat constrained focus at least in my mind but who but I is to decide about what I write here? Maybe that is what I need the most in this time, to realize that my audience is me and not to write in order to appease others but to write to satisfy myself and get the things said that I want to say, not worrying too much about who they are for but me.